The Power of Civility: Treating Others with Respect, Even When You Disagree

Civility is the choice to act with respect, even when it’s hard. It’s about disagreeing without demeaning, listening instead of shouting, and valuing people more than points. In a culture where outrage often drowns out understanding, civility isn’t weakness—it’s courage with manners. It creates space for trust, connection, and real dialogue. Civility isn’t about being nice—it’s about being principled and respectful in how we treat others. Here are five insightful quotes about civility, along with a true story that shows how choosing respect in conflict can lead to lasting peace.

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A True Story: Frederick Douglass and the Civility That Changed a Nation

Frederick Douglass, born into slavery, escaped and became one of the most powerful voices in American history. Despite enduring violence, racism, and rejection, he rarely responded with hate. He believed civility had the power to persuade.

In 1865, after the Civil War ended, Douglass met with President Andrew Johnson to argue for Black suffrage. Though the meeting was tense and Johnson refused, Douglass remained calm and respectful—even while strongly challenging the president’s views. His restraint gave weight to his words.

Years later, Douglass was the guest of honor at a White House reception under President Hayes—the first Black man publicly welcomed in such a way. His story proves that dignity and civility can break down even the deepest barriers.

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Three Quotes from Books About Civility

In Choosing Civility (2002), P.M. Forni describes civility as essential to a functional society:

Civility is not about suppressing disagreement—it’s about expressing it with respect, restraint, and concern for the common good.

~ P.M. Forni

In Civility: Manners, Morals, and the Etiquette of Democracy (1998), Stephen L. Carter explains civility’s democratic value:

Civility is more than politeness. It’s a discipline of the heart that restrains our anger and tempers our judgment.

~ Stephen L. Carter

In The Righteous Mind (2012), Jonathan Haidt explores how civility allows for diverse moral views:

Civility doesn’t mean agreement. It means granting the other person dignity even while disagreeing.

~ Jonathan Haidt

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Five More Quotes About Civility

In 1776, John Adams emphasized the role of respect in democracy.

There must be decency and respect in the conduct of debates if liberty is to be preserved.

~ John Adams

In 1861, Abraham Lincoln urged unity over division.

We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies.

~ Abraham Lincoln

In 1905, Booker T. Washington praised those who could lift others through example.

I will permit no man to narrow and degrade my soul by making me hate him.

~ Booker T. Washington

In 1956, Eleanor Roosevelt reflected on civility as character in action.

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

In 2019, Arthur Brooks described civility as strength in disagreement.

The person who can disagree with kindness is the most persuasive person in the room.

~ Arthur C. Brooks

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Life Lesson:

Civility isn’t about silence or surrender—it’s about speaking the truth with self-control and humanity. Without it, conflict escalates and understanding dies. But Frederick Douglass’s story proves that when you choose respect—even under pressure—you carry a kind of strength that cannot be shouted down. So in moments of tension, pause. Choose your words. Keep your dignity. Because how you speak reveals who you are—and civility is what turns conflict into change.