People with strict religious upbringings are told what to believe from a young age. They get beliefs about what’s right and wrong hammered into their minds day after day. That doesn’t mean they’re right, but it does give them extreme confidence. Here’s why…
When you’re certain about what’s right and wrong you always know how to respond to any argument. You don’t need to think. You don’t question your beliefs. You just repeat them. And you believe them with all your heart because the people you trust most told you over and over again what to believe during your most receptive years.
When you’re not certain about what’s right and wrong it’s much harder, because you doubt. You question things, to try to understand the world, through first principles. This means your confidence in any belief is subject to further evidence.
fools and fanatics quote
it’s good to be open minded because it means you can be taught new things. But it becomes a problem if it impacts your confidence and therefore your success. So what’s the answer?
The answer is to decide what you believe in and be absolutely clear about it. To figure out your values with as much certainty as possible without being closed minded.
With clear values, effort feels meaningful—even when hard.
Action: Write down the three principles you want your life to honor.
Values under pressure teach clarity, which improves decisions
When life gets busy or emotional, you default to urgency or approval-seeking.
Values give you a stable reference point.
Action: Before your next big decision, ask: “Which option aligns with my values?”
Chosen standards teach autonomy, which protects identity
Inherited expectations—from parents, culture, peers—can quietly shape your life.
People regret obeying expectations at the cost of themselves.
Action: Identify one expectation you’re following that you never consciously chose.
Values turn tradeoffs into commitments, which reduce second-guessing
Every meaningful life requires saying no.
Without values, no feels like loss. With values, it feels like integrity.
Action: Say no to one thing this week that doesn’t align with what matters most.
Purpose transforms pain into sacrifice, which reduces resentment
Suffering without meaning feels wasted.
Suffering aligned with values feels chosen.
Action: Link your current hardship to a value it serves.
Values organize time, which creates intention
Time is finite. Demands are infinite.
Values decide what deserves attention.
Action: Review your calendar—does it reflect what you claim to value?
Clear values reduce self-betrayal, which builds character
Most regret is not dramatic—it’s small compromises repeated.
Values make those compromises visible before they harden into identity.
Action: Notice one small compromise today and correct it.
Alignment strengthens self-respect, which outlasts outcomes
Approval fluctuates. Circumstances change.
When actions match values, self-respect survives failure.
Action: Choose the action you can respect—even if it’s unpopular.
Open-minded values teach wisdom, which prevents fanaticism
Values must be clear—but revisable.
Confidence without reflection becomes arrogance.
Action: Be confident in your reasoning—but glad to be proven wrong.
Reflection teaches refinement, which deepens meaning
Experience without reflection is noise.
Reflection turns experience into wisdom and sharpens your values over time.
Action: Keep a simple values journal—write down what moves you, angers you, or feels deeply right.
The Real Lesson
You cannot live without regret if you don’t know what you are trying to honor.
Values are not abstract words. They are decision-making tools.
When you live according to what you truly value—honestly, deliberately—life gains direction.
When you don’t, life happens to you.
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